


Never a Monster

by everlovingdeer



Series: Harry Potter Short Stories [15]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hogsmeade, Werewolf Remus Lupin, a disastrous trip into
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 22:27:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20454548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everlovingdeer/pseuds/everlovingdeer
Summary: “Anyone could hurt me, Remus.” I met his gaze with unwavering eyes. “You are not a monster. You’re Remus Lupin and the fact that you’re a werewolf does not change that at all.”He tried to speak, his voice displaying the uncertainty he felt. “But I-”“But nothing. I knew you were a werewolf when I chose to become your friend. And I knew you were a werewolf when I fell for you. It doesn’t change the fact that you are one of the single most kind, smart, brave men that I have ever met.”





	1. Never a Monster

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally published on 23/11/2013 on other sites and the only change to it since has been some minor spelling amendments

The marauders; a group of four boys that 'ruled' the school were known by everyone. There was Sirius Black, heartbreaker extraordinaire, James Potter, the lovesick puppy and Peter Pettigrew, their ever-faithful sidekick. Then finally there was Remus Lupin, the brains of the entire operation.

Said brains of the operation was currently leading the rest of his friends into the book store. They trailed after him slowly, dragging their feet alongside them after having clearly lost their traditional game of rock, paper, scissors to decide where they would be going. 

I narrowed my eyes at them; what were they doing out here so late?

“Probably the same thing we’re doing,” A voice muttered by my ear.

I glanced over my shoulder at Florence who rolled her eyes and ducked out from behind the wall. Following her, I made my way out from behind the wall as well and joined her on the side of the road. 

“Relax,” she said nudging me with her shoulder, “If it’s just the marauders then we can get away with sneaking out of Hogwarts during the night time.”

“Even though one of those said marauders is a prefect?” I asked as she started walking down the road, leading the way.

“Well if Lupin was such a good prefect then he wouldn’t be out so late after curfew – let alone on the night of the full moon.”

“What does the full moon have to do with anything,” I muttered under my breath as the shrieking shack slowly came into view. There was no way – 

“Nothing, if you don’t believe in the rumours of a werewolf visiting the shack every month that is.”

“And I don’t believe them,” I said as we drew closer to the fence surrounding the building. “Dumbledore wouldn’t let a werewolf come so close to the school.”

“You’re right, he probably wouldn’t.” She admitted, “And that’s why I’m daring you to go into the shack.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head roughly and taking a few steps back from the fence, “There is no way that I’m going in there.”

“Why? Don’t you trust Dumbledore?”

“Of course I do.” I was firm, narrowing my eyes at her obvious amusement.

“Come on,” she cajoled, “Just go in there. You lost the bet remember? So I mean technically you’ve got no choice but to go in.”

“Merlin, I hate you,” I muttered staring back at the shack. I could already feel the fear pumping through my veins, making my heart thunder in my chest as though it wanted to burst through my ribs.

“A dare is a dare,” She said quietly and I took a breath to steel myself. “Remember to bring back some proof that you actually went inside.”

Taking one step after another I gradually shrunk the distance between the shack and myself. When I was standing before the door, I let out a deep breath, trying to calm my rapidly beating heart. There was no werewolf. Dumbledore wouldn’t let there be one. Risking a glance at the sky I saw the makings of a full moon almost at completion and hurried to open the creaking door. 

The shack was extremely dusty, with barely any light for me to be able to see anything. The windows were boarded up but it seemed as though some of the boards had been ripped off, letting some light into the dingy room. Scanning the foyer, my eyes landed on a chair with one of its legs missing. Merlin, this didn’t look good, I thought making my way towards the stairs. Gasping silently I traced the scratch marks that littered the walls. It would have taken some very big claws to have made these scratched. What could have made them?

At the sound of approaching voices, I hurried back up the rest of the stairs, peeking over the banister to see who was coming. Clenching my hands around the banister, I tried to steady my breath. Merlin, I was not made for this. No wonder I wasn’t a Gryffindor. 

“We need to hurry!” was the first thing that was said as the three boys rushed into the shack. Three very familiar boys. 

What was James Potter doing here? More importantly, why was he stripping in the middle of the foyer? The other two boys saw nothing wrong with his indecent behaviour and instead joined him in removing their clothes. I ducked back, not needing to see them in whatever state of undress they were striving for.

“We need to hurry,” Black’s familiar voice announced, “Quickly before Moony gets here.”

Moony? Wasn’t that what they went around calling Lupin? 

There was no sound after that and I risked a glance over the banister to find three animals in their place. A stag, a dog and a rat? Prongs, Padfoot, Wormtail and Moony? The first three were obviously derived from their animagus forms, which I could only assume were unregistered because they were underage. But what was Moony-

There was a thunderous howl as a werewolf ran into the shack. I took in a deep breath, knowing that it would pick up my scent immediately. And it had. The werewolf disregarded the three animals and rushed up the stairs. The dog, Black, leapt straight at the werewolf, biting at its hind legs, slowing it down and allowing me enough time to hide further into the shack. 

Closing my eyes I crouched into a corner wondering how on Earth I would get out of all of this alive. The snarls and howls grew and I opened my eyes hesitantly when I felt something nudge my knee. Peering into the eyes of Potter’s animagus, I watched as he cocked his head to the side, telling me to follow him. Stumbling to my feet, I followed as he led me through the shack and towards a hidden exit at the back. I was almost out of the shack when I turned back to express my gratitude to see the werewolf barrelling down the hallway, its eyes locked onto me.

Potter must have seen my eyes widen as he turned quickly, using his antlers to hold off the werewolf and giving me enough time to slip out. 

The exit led to a passage which, once I’d reached the end of it, brought me right to the forest beside the shack. I took in a shuddering breath.

Moony. Remus Lupin. A werewolf. Shy Remus Lupin who couldn’t hurt a fly was a werewolf?

Burying my face in my hands, I took in a deep breath, trying to steady my racing heart before I set off in search of Florence. At least I now knew why the scratch marks were there. They were there because Remus had put them there. And Dumbledore allowed a werewolf to be so close to the school because the werewolf was one of his students.

No one could ever know.

* * *

As much as I had tried to forget everything that I had seen that night, I couldn’t. The image of that werewolf took the centre stage of my mind whenever I had nothing else to think about. Whenever my mind drifted off from my work that was the first thing that came to mind.

I wasn’t scared of it, of him. In fact, I was far from it. All I could think of was the pain that Lupin must have gone through to have become a werewolf. The transformation was painful, or rather that was what the book had said. And yet, Lupin would come back to class a few days later acting as though he hadn’t suffered a great ordeal as did the rest of the marauders. He never lost his smile.

Seeing something move from the corner of my eye, I was snapped from my thoughts. Looking up at Lupin as he hovered slightly awkwardly at the corner of the table that I was sat at, I felt my eyebrows rise slightly.

He gestured to the empty seat across from me. “Is anyone sitting here?” Shaking my head, I watched as he sat down across from me.

Lupin set about getting out the things he would need and I returned back to my essay. I chewed on the inside of my cheek, cursing at my luck. I was so curious about so much but I couldn’t ask him. One of the things that I had read was that the werewolf rarely remembered what happened when they transformed. So I had no reason to believe that Lupin knew I was there that night. Only Potter knew but he had no idea that I knew he was an animagi.

Everything was so complicated. 

At the sound of my name, I glanced up at Lupin. Only to find him staring at the table grain in concentration. “I-I was wondering if you could help me with something?”

“Of course.” Setting my quill down onto the table, I sat up straighter.

“I was hoping you’d be able to explain the secondary properties of the potion from Slughorn’s class today?” He glanced up at me now, his eyes still guarded.

“Yeah, sure,” I said quietly before launching into an explanation. He listened carefully, making notes as I explained. He remained guarded but his eyes gave away his new interest.

Remus Lupin was a puzzle. One that I was going to crack.

* * *

It had somehow become a thing for one of us to approach the other for help with some school-related question. But slowly it progressed to just talking about whatever subject was on our minds. This time the subject just so happened to be that of Hogsmeade. 

“How can you have not been on a date to Hogsmeade?” I asked peering up at Remus as he sat across the table. We had claimed a quiet corner of the library for ourselves; one corner where the librarian visited the least. We could talk to each other without worrying about being caught and thrown out.

“I haven’t.” He admitted with a shake of his head, a smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

“How have you never-,” I paused, the shock stopping me from stringing a single sentence together. “I know plenty of girls that either fancy you or have done so in the past.”

“Well,” Black said. At the sound of his voice, we both turned to see him walking towards us. He stopped behind Lupin’s chair and narrowed his eyes at me. He didn’t like me and I couldn’t say that I didn’t feel the same. “It doesn’t matter if those girls have liked Moony or not, he’s too shy to ever do anything about it.” He cooed, leaning down to pinch Lupin’s cheek.

Remus, meeting my gaze, promptly turned red and pushed Black away from him. Black wasn’t swayed and sat down in the chair beside Remus, giving me an annoyed look. 

“I’m actually surprised that you know your way around the library Black,” I muttered.

“I wouldn’t leave Moony around for you to sink your claws into him.

Rolling my eyes I glanced back at Remus who, after taking a single look at my face, said apprehensively, “What?”

“I have an idea,” I said as I began to pack all of my stuff up. “I’m going to remedy the entire issue.”

“How?”

“We are going to go on a date.”

“What!” The exclamation came from Black who was sitting by a speechless marauder. Black turned to look at Remus. “Tell her she’s insane Moony!”

After some consideration, Remus nodded his head, “Ok, it sounds like a plan. So the next Hogsmeade weekend then?”

“Moony!”

* * *

When the next Hogsmeade weekend rolled around I found myself presented with four marauders. Remus gave me an apologetic look as did Potter when he heard Black announce that he wouldn’t leave Remus alone with me. Rolling my eyes, I followed Remus away from the carriages, aware of the three shadows that we had acquired.

“Moony,” James called out from behind us. Remus, who had previously been explaining something to me, stopped talking and turned to look back at his friend. I did the same, catching sight of the arms that Potter had wrapped around Black’s and Pettigrew’s shoulder. If the way that Black was struggling under Potter’s arm meant something, then Potter was doing his best to restrain them both.

“What’s the matter Prongs?”

“You two go ahead,” he said with a slight motion of his head, “Wormtail, Padfoot and I might duck into the Three Broomsticks.”

“Yeah, go ahead.” 

Potter turned to leave, forcefully turning the two under his arms as well. He nodded his head slightly in acknowledgement to me before he herded the others in the direction of the Three Broomsticks. 

Only when they had disappeared from my line of sight did I turn to look back at Remus. I blinked up at him, finding him already watching me. “What?”

“Should we get going then?” He asked, setting off down the road.

“Lead the way,” I said, already dropping into step beside him.

We must have been an hour into the so-called date when I glanced around to see that we were approaching the shrieking shack and the forest surrounding it. I looked at Remus curiously and he stepped closer to me, lowering his mouth to my ear.

“Do you realise that we’re being spied on right now?” He asked quietly.

“I did think that we were,” I admitted, glancing over my shoulder in time to see a figure duck behind a wall so that we couldn’t see them.

“Well,” Remus muttered, straightening up. “I guess this means that James wasn’t able to control Padfoot.”

“Remus,” I said, a sudden idea springing into my mind.

“What?” He was clearly apprehensive.

“Do you want to make them panic?”

He looked at me, mischief brimming in his eyes. I had always wondered why someone like him, who you would have thought hated pranks, was a part of the marauders. But seeing the look in his eyes I understood why. Maybe he _did _deserve the title of being a marauder after all.

He held out his hand and I glance up into his eyes. He nodded down at his hand and I set my hand in his. Intertwining our fingers, he pulled me alongside him as he set off into a slight run, leading us into the forest. I kept up with him, keeping an ear out for our shadows. I grinned as I heard the thundering of multiple footsteps that were following after us. 

Remus sped up, pulling me behind him when I struggled to keep up. He took a sudden turn and we found ourselves hidden from the view of the other three marauders. The three boys, realising that we had disappeared from view, looked around the seemingly now empty forest. I ducked further behind a thick tree trunk, hiding from the view. Reaching out to fist Remus’ coat in my hands, I tugged him closer towards me to lower the chance of him being seen. 

“I never had Moony pegged as the type of boy to take a girl into the woods for some alone time.” I couldn’t help the scoff that left me when I recognised the admiration in Black’s voice. 

“I don’t even know how you managed to convince me into following Moony,” Potter muttered as he scanned the forest. “And now we’ve managed to lose the two of them. I was going to find Evans before Diggory finds her.”

“You-you don’t think that there could be anything out here do you?” Pettigrew asked, his voice trembling slightly after Remus had picked up a small pebble from the ground and thrown it towards them. The pebble hit the tree trunk on the left of them, the resulting sound made Pettigrew jump slightly. 

“Of course there’s nothing out here Pete,” Black said reassuringly but that didn’t stop the flinch he made when I picked up a twig and snapped it in half.

The three marauders advanced slowly, their progress much slower than it had been in the beginning. Remus tapped my shoulder slightly and I looked up at him.

“Stay here,” he whispered quietly.

I was about to ask him why, when he walked away from me and started to walk around them in a wide arc so that he would be able to scare them. Resisting the temptation to scare them some more was too much and I leaned down to pick up another twig to snap. Watching them become more and more frightened was funny, especially when Remus approached them from behind and set a hand onto Black and Potter’s shoulders. The screams that left the three of them were surprisingly high pitched. 

Remus let out a laugh when the three turned to look at him. Meeting my eyes, he ushered me out from behind the tree. Stepping out from my hiding place, I met the stunned gaze of three-quarters of the marauders.

“Now what does that teach you about stalking people, Black?” I asked, hands on my hips as I went back to Remus’ side.

He narrowed his eyes at me. But seeing that I was firm in my stance, he lowered his head slightly to mutter something under his breath. The corners of my mouth were tugged up in amusement against my own will but I managed to wipe my smile before Black looked up properly. He might not have seen it but his best friend definitely had.

“Well Potter,” I said looking up at him, “Did that sound like an apology for snooping around in other people’s business?”

Potter shook his head, grinning at Black’s evident discomfort. Black’s mouth dropped open at the betrayal.

“Prongs! You traitor!” I levelled him a glare, struggling to hide my amusement. Merlin, either I was a better actress than I thought or he was just oblivious. “Alright, fine. I’m sorry for snooping.”

It was then that I let my amusement show but Black just mumbled to himself and dragged a bewildered Pettigrew alongside him. He led the way out of the forest and I followed after him with Remus and Potter on either side of me. 

“You’ve got potential,” Potter said with a grin as we emerged from the forest. 

I furrowed my eyebrows at him, echoing in confusion, “Potential?”

“Don’t say that Prongsie!” Black complained loudly from in front of us. He turned to look back at us, “If you say it like that then you make it sound like she’s a permanent fixture.”

“You never know Pads,” Potter said jovially, “She just may become one.”

I turned to Remus, hoping that he would clarify what his friends were talking about but he was of no use. The moment that he met my eyes, he just cleared his throat slightly and looked away, a flush rising up his neck. 

At the sound of my name, I stopped mid-step. Potter and Remus stopped beside me. Looking around, my eyes settled onto Lily as she walked towards us. She eyed the marauders on either side of me warily. 

“What’s the matter, Lily?” I asked when she stopped in front of me.

“Oh, um, I was just going to tell you that I can’t make the patrol tonight. So I swapped with Malfoy.” She glanced at Potter and then looked back at me again. “Is that alright?”

“Yeah, of course, it’s fine,” I said reassuringly. “I’m just going to spend this patrol in silence.”

“I’m really-”

“I was joking Lily, it’s fine. Honestly.” Accepting my words, she turned to return to her friend’s side. 

I set off in the direction of the castle once again and realised that Potter’s eyes were still trailing after Lily. He snapped himself out of his state and dropped into stride with Remus and me.

“You know,” I began conversationally, “Lily doesn’t complain about you that much anymore, during our rounds.”

“Really?” I didn’t need to be looking at him to know that he was grinning.

“Yeah, she doesn’t really complain about you all that much anymore. But I’ve got a little tip for you; it might be time you started acting like a sixth year instead of a second year.”

When we had arrived back at the school we found Black waiting with Pettigrew at his side. Coming to a stop beside the other two marauders, I shot Remus a small smile.

I turned to leave, “I should probably get going.”

A hand caught my forearm and I glanced up at Remus. He lowered his hand back to his side. “Do you want me to walk you back to your common room?”

“No, that’s alright Remus.”

“It’s really no problem-”

“Come on Moony,” Black cut in, looping his arms through Remus’. Potter grinned in amusement. “You heard the beast. She’ll be fine.”

Without giving him another chance to so much as say another word, Black dragged him away from me, leaving the other two marauders to trail after him. Remus glanced back over his shoulder and waved at me.

**********

It was early in the morning when I ran into the marauders as a whole group. Remus and I had continued to meet up and talk whenever either of us felt like doing so but I had not seen them as a group since that Hogsmeade weekend. They were busy running an extremely pale-looking Remus into the Hospital Wing. 

I saw them from the other end of the corridor and called out, “Is he alright?”

Potter was the only one to dignify me with a response. He removed Remus’ arms from his shoulder and let Pettigrew take his place. Together Black and Pettigrew rushed Remus into the hospital wing. My eyes trailed after him until he disappeared from my sight as the large wooden doors closed behind them.

“Hey,” Potter said gently, setting a hand onto my shoulder. “Don’t worry about Moony. He’s just not feeling well – he tends to get like this from time to time.” He squeezed my shoulder and I nodded slightly.

“Cheating on Evans are we Prongsie?” Black tutted as he emerged alone from the hospital wing. He shook his head in mock disappointment as he approached us. Potter let his hand drop from my shoulder.

“You know Black, not all men are dogs like you,” I said when he stopped beside his best friend. 

He rolled his eyes at me but James’ eyes were suddenly fixated onto me with a newfound sense of cautiousness. He was staring at me in open shock and I chewed on the inside of my cheek; had I given it away that I knew what they were? Thankfully, James seemed to have rationalised it as being a simple figure of speech and he looked away from me. Instead, he looked at his best friend.

“Did Pete say that he’d stay with Moony?” Potter asked and Black nodded his head. 

“Yeah, he said he’d stay until the nurse was free to look at Moony.”

“Alright then come along Pads.” James said, looping an arm around Black’s shoulder, “Let’s leave her to whatever it was that she was doing.”

They headed in the direction of what I assumed was their common room and I headed back to the great hall. Florence looked up as I walked into the great hall and patted the space beside her. Settling down for breakfast I borrowed the Daily Prophet from her and stared at the date.

“Hey, are you alright?” she asked, seeing my face. 

“I’m fine,” I insisted, setting the paper aside and reaching for a glass. 

Only two more days until the full moon, I thought.

* * *

It was four days later that I found Remus waiting for me in our little corner of the library.

“Hey Remus,” I said, sliding into the seat across from him. Rummaging through my bag, I pulled out a chocolate frog and handed it to him. He started to protest instantly but I cut him off, “It’s a way for me to thank you for helping me with my last essay; I got an O.”

He took it silently and set it on the table. Glancing between the frog and me, he let out a slight sigh. “There’s, um, there’s something I need to tell you.”

He fiddled nervously with his fingers. Was he going to tell me –? 

“What is it, Remus?”

“I-,” He let out another sigh and ran a hand through his hair.

“Don’t you trust me?” I asked teasingly, leaning across the table to set a hand on his arm.

“No, no. It’s not that. I just-,”

Whatever confidence he had previously worked up had obviously left him now as he hastily packed up his things.

“Remus?”

“I’m really sorry, but I have to go.”

I sat silently, watching him leave the library. It hadn’t taken long for me to work out what exactly it was that he had wanted to tell me. But I couldn’t work out why he was so scared to tell me? Did he think that I would think he was a monster?

* * *

He was going out of his way to ignore me so that I didn’t ask him what he had been talking about. It was seriously starting to get on my nerves. Letting out a deep breath, I headed into the library, making my way through the shelves. Pausing in my step, I took a few strides back and glanced into ‘our’ corner. There sitting at the table that I had assumed would be empty, was Remus.

Right, I thought, heading over to the table. It was time to air all of the dirty laundry. I slid into the seat across from him and he looked up at me with a smile. 

“Remus, I know alright.”

“You know what?” He asked, finishing the sentence that he had been working on and setting his quill aside.

“I know that Potter, Pettigrew and Black are animagi.” He stiffened in his seat, “And I know that you’re a werewolf.”

No sooner than the words had left my mouth, did he rise to his feet. He scrambled to pack all of his stuff up, but I wouldn’t let him leave this time. Placing my hands on top of his, I met his gaze with steady eyes when he looked up at me. Did he really think he was a monster?

“Sit down Remus,” I said gently. 

He lowered himself back into the chair and only when I was certain that he wouldn’t run away, I removed my hands. Coming around the table, I stood beside his chair and leaned down to bring my face level to his. He couldn’t bring himself to meet my eyes.

“Remus Lupin; you are not a monster.”

“You say that but I could hurt you.” He still wouldn’t look at me. 

He turned his head away from me and I let out a soft sigh. Cupping his cheek in one of my hands, I gently made him turn to face me. He hesitantly brought his eyes back up to my own.

“Anyone could hurt me, Remus.” I met his gaze with unwavering eyes. “You are not a monster. You’re Remus Lupin and the fact that you’re a werewolf does not change that at all.”

He tried to speak, his voice displaying the uncertainty he felt. “But I-”

“But nothing. I knew you were a werewolf when I chose to become your friend. And I knew you were a werewolf when I fell for you. It doesn’t change the fact that you are one of the single most kind, smart, brave men that I have ever met.”

“You fell for me?” He asked quietly, removing my hand from his cheek to take it in his.

I nodded slowly, pleading silently for him to take the initiative to kiss me. He did. He moved closer towards me, the hand that wasn’t holding one of mine moved to my waist. My eyes flickered shut as I leaned into him.

“Don’t be a fool Moony!” The distinctly familiar voice belonging to Black shouted moments before our lips touched. “Kiss her already!”

We sprung apart from each other; the moment well and truly shattered. I looked over in the direction the voice had come from to find Potter and Black peering at us from behind a bookshelf. Or rather, peering at us until they were chased out of the library by an extremely red-faced librarian.


	2. Epilogue: 7 Years Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A part of me hoped he was joking. I’d lost so many people over the last years; Lily and James had passed away, Sirius was locked away in Azkaban (wrongfully I was sure), Harry had been sent to the Dursley’s, Peter had apparently been killed by Sirius and Remus now wanted to leave me. It felt like I’d been shot, I hadn’t even anticipated it. 

_7 YEARS LATER _

A part of me hoped he was joking. I’d lost so many people over the last years; Lily and James had passed away, Sirius was locked away in Azkaban (wrongfully I was sure), Harry had been sent to the Dursley’s, Peter had apparently been killed by Sirius and Remus now wanted to leave me. It felt like I’d been shot, I hadn’t even anticipated it. 

“Why?” I asked, watching him pack up his things. His back was turned towards me but I knew his every little habit by now and I knew him enough to know that he was doing this against his will. “I can’t watch you leave without giving me a reason, Remus.”

With a sigh, he put his now fully packed suitcase on the bed and turned to look at me. “I don’t –”

I levelled him a look, not bothering to hide my hurt. “And I want the truth.”

“I love you,” He explained and I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. “Merlin, I love you too much to keep doing this to you. I see what it’s like for you when I have to disappear for days before each full moon and you have to support me financially because no one’s willing to hire a werewolf – I’m nothing but a burden to you.”

A silence followed his words where he was determined to avoid my eyes. Closing the distance between the two of us, I stood in front of him. Looking up into his eyes I let out a sigh.

“You clearly don’t think very much of me,” I said softly, cutting him off when he went to disagree with my words. “If you didn’t then you wouldn’t even think that I thought of you as a burden Remus. I love you too much think of you as a burden. And why exactly would I think of you as a burden? Because of your condition? Because the wizarding world is too prejudice to look beyond it to see what a wonderful man you are? Merlin Remus, I don’t understand.”

“I make your life much harder than it needs to be –”

“Without you, I wouldn’t have a life to live.” Smiling softly up at him I tugged on the bottom of his sweater. Taking the hint he stepped closer to me and I wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him. “How could you forget the number of times you saved me when I was being attacked by the death eaters? If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t be standing here.”

Pressing my cheek against his chest, I relaxed when I felt him wrap his arms around me as well. His hands moved gently up and down my back. 

“This isn’t the life I want for you.” He admitted, tightening his hold on me. “I don’t want you to be embarrassed –”

“I could never be embarrassed of you.” I cut in.

“I know, I know.” He acknowledged softly. “But I can’t marry you – you know that don’t you?”

I pulled away from him at his words, looking up into his face curiously. He was serious, his eyes scanning my face for even the slightest change in expression. Letting out a sigh I ran my fingers gently across the scars on the side of his face. 

“I know.” His eyes flickered with surprise. “And I don’t expect you too either. All I want is to live my life loving you and getting your love in return Remus, that’s all. Whether I live until I’m over 100 or whether I die at a young age, that’s all I want.”

“We won’t ever be able to have kids in case they gene gets passed onto them –”

“Why are you so determined to push me away Remus?” His words were starting to hurt me. “I know first-hand that you want children but if you’re so adamant on it then it’s fine by me. I’d have no regrets in living my life with you alone.”

“And you wouldn’t care if we _did_ have children and they had the gene? You wouldn’t blame me.”

“Of course not, you stupid man.”

Letting out a slight sigh, he pulled me back into his arms. He burrowed his head into the side of my neck and I wrapped my arms around his slightly shaking form. 

“How can you still look past my faults and love me despite all of that?” His words were muffled against my skin. 

“I don’t,” I muttered, rocking him slightly. “I see all of you Remus, the good and what you consider to be the bad, and I love you. I can accept all of that the same way you can accept every part of me.”

We stayed like that for a while, me embracing my tall boyfriend who was clearly lost in his thoughts. When he’d finished with his thoughts, he pulled back from me and I watched him cautiously. Stepping away from me, he headed back towards his suitcase.

“I’ve said all I wanted to and if you still want to leave then I won’t stop you,” I said quietly, walking out of our bedroom and leaving him alone.

I was moving around the kitchen, trying to prepare dinner but it was difficult to keep my mind on the task. Was I supposed to cook for 1 or 2 people? What had spurred on Remus’ sudden decision? What was I supposed to do when he was gone? Who would remind him to take his potion on time? Would he miss me when – 

The clearing of a throat interrupted my thoughts. Looking over my shoulder I found Remus hovering awkwardly by the kitchen door, his suitcase nowhere to be found.

“Why don’t I make dinner?” He offered, walking into the room and taking the knife from my hand. 

“Remus –”

“I won’t burn it,” he said with a gentle smile. “Don’t worry.”


End file.
